so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You smell like stripper and shame
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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