And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
