Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
