I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
