I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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