he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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