Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
