Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
