After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
