Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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