Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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