I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's like iHOP with fire
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
