We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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