My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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