Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
