imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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