Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
