My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
