Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
