I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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