i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
