Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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