My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
