I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
