I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
