you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
