My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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