things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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