"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
