You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
