Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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