and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
