so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
