the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
