no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
