there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
