I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
