Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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