Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
