I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
