I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My pussy is not your playground.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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