I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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