Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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