everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
