Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
