Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
