It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
