Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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