i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
