she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
