Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
