I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Farmville is her only friend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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