i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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