Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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