im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
