No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
