Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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